The Art of Loving

Student s name Sveta Maslova 30042004 EN 132 Teacher s name Dr. Devid Broersma The Art of Loving Introduction Reading Bible 1-Corinthians chapter 13, I have asked myself the question why it is so important to love. Apostle Paul writes When I have not love I am nothing. Jesus Christ makes accent on the two commandments

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mindand the second, love your neighbor as yourself. Here are two main commandments. It proves again the importance of love. God wants us to love and be loved. Love is the art. We need to learn it. Erich Fromm wrote the book The Art of Loving where he in details describes the art of loving.

In my paper I want to touch on things that I think are important. The goal of the paper is three-fold to introduce love as an art to tell about the theory and the practice of love to discuss how to show love in the modern society In context of the Bible and the Fromm s book The Art of Loving. I think everybody accept the rightness of Bible, so

Iwant to tell a little bit about the second main source of material that I used. The author Erich Fromm is a famous philosopher and psychologist, Hebrew by birth. He is inclined and able to see and appreciate a wide panorama of objective reality. What love is and why it is needed for people, E. Fromm shows in an extensive material of different times, cultures and levels from macrolevel to microlevel that is spiritual world of person.

What is the love Is it an art If it is, then it takes knowledge and energies. But may be love is a God s gift or fortune I think that it is art, but most of people think other way. At the same time people don t think that love is unimportant. They wait for it, they watch countless number of films about happy and unhappy love stories, they listen to hundred of foolish songs about love, but almost nobody realizes necessity to learn loving.

Why does it happen Firstly, for majority of people the problem of loving is not to love more likely to be able to love but to be loved. So the essence of problem for them is that they wish them to be loved, make someone love them. Ways and means to stimulate the love to them are alike to ways to achieve, for example, portly career, finding useful friends and influential connections. Obviously, most of people are sure that to gain love is simply it needs to have outward and sexual

appearance. Secondly, if people think that love is like fortune there is a problem of object, there is hot problem of being able to love. People think that to love is simple, but to find the object of love or to be the object it s difficult. The highest pleasure of modern person when he looks at a shop window is to know that he can let himself to buy everything he wants. He or she looks at people the same way. For the man a beautiful woman is booty, products that is necessary

to possess. Two people fall in love when they feel finding in each other the object of best quality. With all this going on they at the concealed advantages that might be realized by time. This is no surprise that in society where a pragmatic orientation prevails and material success is the main value human love relationship follows the laws of market.E.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992 Thirdly, error that it s necessary to learn loving goes from identification

undiscerning of infatuation and love as a constant feeling. If two people that are completely alien till the one moment let dividing wall between them crash down it becomes the most exiting and beautiful emotional experience of their life. This type of love is short-lived. Two people better and better find out each other while the disappointment, antagonism and satiety quench thief feelings. At the beginning they didn t expect such a final.

Selfless madness about each other does not prove their power of love, but illustration of extensiveness of loneliness previous to it. Is loving an art The first step you need to do is to realize that love is an art, the same as the art of living. If we want to learn loving we should learn it as we learn any other kind of love, for instance music, painting, joiners, medical or engineering business. The training to art can be divided into two stages first - theory second - practice.

I agree with Fromm s opinion who said If I want to become a doctor, first of all I should possess of knowledge of a body and constitution of the man, and also about a nature of various illnesses. But even if I shall acquire all book knowledge, I can not consider myself as the master of this business yet. It will take place after long practice, when knowledge and skill to incorporate in one - in intuition,

heart of original skill. But alongside with the theory and practice there is the one more third component, without which you cannot reach heights in any business, is possession by it, concentration on it, preference it to all to rest and all by rest, complete self-feedback to it yourself, forces and ideas. E.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992 In my paper I want to consider in the beginning theory of love, then the practice - as far as can in general be spoken about practice in this area.

Theory of loving Erich Fromm asserts that Man is gifted with reason he is life being aware of itself he has awareness of himself, of his fellow man, of his past, and of the possibilities of his future. This awareness of himself as a separate entity, the awareness of his own short life span, of the fact that without his will he is born and against his will he dies, that he will die before those whom he loves, or they before him, the awareness of his aloneness and separateness, of his helplessness before

the forces of nature and of society, all this makes his separate, disunited existence an unbearable prison. He would become insane could he not liberate himself from this prison and reach out, unite himself in some form or other with men, with the world outside. E.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992 The experience of estrangement gives rise to an alarm, feeling of feebleness, inability to own circumstances, gives rise to a condition of fear the world can step on

me, and I thus was unable to resist to it. Thus, estrangement - source of the intense anxiety. Besides it gives rise to feeling of shame and fault. In all times in all cultures before the man there is a same question how to leave for limits of own individual life and to find a unity with other people and environmental persons The answers can wash are various The answer in the certain degree depends on a level of an individualization

achieved by the man One way is to full the emptiness inside. I think everybody knows people who try to do it. Some of them drink alcohol others are taking drugs and have the same life-style. All this as they think can full the emptiness inside them, to give them freedom from feeling of loneliness. You know that these things cannot do this work. May be it is workable but just for a short moment.

Later the feeling of loneliness and separating with others will come back again. It can lead to dependence. Dependence on, for example, alcohol raises and the person simply cannot live without it. Another way to find unification with other people is The unity with group is also now in a modern society a prevailing way of overcoming personal separating from others. This unity is in which the man substantially loses hisherself as the individual.

Hisher purpose in not to be allocated but to merge with everything, to correspond to the standard norms and customs. If I am similar to somebody else, if I have no feelings, distinguishing me, or ideas, if I in habits, clothes, ideas am adapted to samples of group, I am rescued, is rescued from horrifying feeling of loneliness.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992. I want to tell you one example.

If we talk about it in the church case then person loses the feeling of loneliness when heshe understood that whole church is family of One God, and we all are children of God. We are unite in it in spite of we are not alike each person of us is unique. Unity that is achieved in the collective work is not the solution to the problem. It gives just the part of solution. The right solution of problem is love.

I in my paper I ll show that love is the real solution of problem existence. Loving is unity under condition of preservation of own integrity, individuality. The love is active force in the man, force, which pulls down walls separating him from near. This force unites him with others. The love helps him to overcome feeling of isolation and loneliness, thus allowing him to remain himself and to keep thus the integrity.

In love the paradox takes place two being become one and remain thus two.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992 The love it is not necessary the relation to the certain man it is installation, the orientation of character, which sets the relation of the man to the world in general, and not just to one object of love. If the man loves only someone one and is indifferent to other near, his love is not love, and symbiotically union. The majority of the people are sure that the love depends on object,

instead of from own ability to love. They even are convinced, that, time they do not love anybody, except for the favorite man, and it proves force of their love. Error here is shown, which the installation on object was already mentioned above, It is similar to a condition of the man, which wants to draw, but instead of studying in painting, tells, that he simply should find a worthy nature when it to happen, he will draw superb, and will take

place by itself. But if I really love someone of the man, I should be capable to tell, I love due to you all world, I love in you myself. We love and our love is directed to different objects. It can be directed to neighbor, to parents, to children, to girlboyfriend, to wife or husband, to ourselves, to God and etc. In my paper I want to talk about love to neighbor, ourselves and to

God. As for me, these three are more important and I want to find out about them more. For me these point are very important are I will attentively work on them. Love to Neighbor The most fundamental kind of love making a basis of all of its types. I mean the responsibility, care, respect, detailed knowledge of other human essence, desire to prolong his life. The brotherly love is love to all human essences it is characterized with

complete feeling of preference.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992. I think that if I develop my love I cannot hate my neighbors. Love is founded on the unity. When you love your neighbor you understand that you are united, you both are children of Living God. We all are in unity the body of Christ. We all are equal, and in this context we look at each other like to equal persons.

This love is love between equal people. Love to yourself Bible says, You shall love neighbor as yourself. First, we should love ourselves, and the same way we should love neighbor. You see it is very important to know how to love yourself. Love to you is not divisible from love to neighbor. Love of man is not, as is frequently supposed, an abstraction coming after the love for a specific

person, but it is its premise, although genetically it is acquired in loving specific individuals. From this it follows that my own self must be as much an object of my love as another person. The affirmation of ones own life, happiness, growth, freedom is rooted in ones capacity to love, which is in care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge. If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too if he can love only others, he

cannot love at all.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1956, p.89. Majority of people think that person who loves himself is selfish. The person who takes care only of himherself, heshe wishes all good only to himherself. This person feels satisfaction when he receives things but not when he gives them away. Heshe looks around in the point of view to receive something for himself.

He does not respect people s personality and advantage. Actually, such man is not able to love. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1956, p.90 These ideas on self-love cannot be summarized better than by quoting Meister Eckhart on this topic If you love yourself, you love everybody else as you do yourself.

As long as you love another person less than you love yourself, you will not really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike, including yourself, you will love them as one person and that person is both God and man. Thus he is a great and righteous person who, loving himself, loves all others equally.Meister Eckhart, translated by R.B. Blakney, Harper and Brothers, New York, 1941. Love to God The first commandment says

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind. It is interesting how people look at God in this case. Is love to God the same as love to neighbor Erich Fromm asserts The religious form of love, that which is called the love of God, is, psychologically speaking, not different. It springs from the need to overcome separateness

and to achieve union. In fact, the love of God has as many different qualities and aspects as the love of man have and to a large extent we find the same differences.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1956, p.94 So, love of God is alike to love to neighbor. Moreover people look at God either as on the father or as on the mother. The father which is fair and severe, that punishes and remunerates, and accepts as sondaughter.

The mother in which love I believe. I know even if I am weak and poor, even if I ve sinned she loves me as her child. She will love me instead of anything happen with me, she will save me, take care of me and forgive me. The same as love to neighbor, love of God is not divisible from God s love. You see love of God cannot be divided from love to parents.

The same as love to neighbor, love of God is not divisible from God s love. If you love God only as Father or only as Mother it means your love is not mature. God for you shall be Mother and Father at once. Love in the modern western society What is the position of love in the modern society

I think, nowadays the real love almost not exist. I peoples thinking real love is superseded by the some standards and countless forms of pseudo love. Western society bases on the principle of political freedom and principle of market. Everything depends on economic exchange value of thing. Money has more importance than people s work Most of people want to feel themselves independent and

free. But actually most of them are in dependence on fashion, standards and norms of society. Erich Fromm in his work describes the situation in the best way. He wrote What is the outcome Modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow men, and from nature. He has been transformed into a commodity, experiences his life forces as an investment which must bring him the maximum profit obtainable under existing market conditions.

Human relations are essentially those of alienated automatons, each basing his security on staying close to the herd, and not being different in thought, feeling or action. While everybody tries to be as close as possible to the rest, everybody remains utterly alone, pervaded by the deep sense of insecurity, anxiety and guilt which always results when human separateness cannot be overcome. Our civilization offers many palliatives which help people to remain unaware of their most

fundamental human desires, of the longing for transcendence and unity. Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1956, p.127. And I think this is the full description of reality. Also the Bible openly tells And because lawlessness is increased, most of people s love will grow cold.Matthew 2412. People change by time. So after all of this, you see the whole picture of modern situation there are forms of love pathology. Practice of love

Love is something that person shall taste have experience himherself. The practice of any art is the same and includes basic requirements. First of all is discipline. I shall never be good at anything if I do not do it in a disciplined way. The second one is concentration, condition for the mastery of an art. One more condition is patience. Anyone who ever tried to master an art knows that patience is necessary

if you want to achieve anything. Fourth condition of learning any art is a supreme concern with the mastery of the art. If the art is not something of supreme importance, the apprentice will never learn it. If one wants to become a master in any art, ones whole life must be devoted to it, or at least related to it. Ones own person becomes an instrument in the practice of the art, and must be kept fit, according to the specific functions it has to fulfill. With regard to the art of loving, this means that anyone

who aspires to become a master in this art must begin by practicing discipline, concentration and patience throughout every phase of his life.E.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1956, p.162. In practice you need humbleness. It is a very important emotional purpose. You will be successful in learning if you will get rid from the dreams of knowingness and omnipotence. The ability to love depends on ones capacity to emerge from

narcissism, and from the incestuous fixation to mother and clan it depends on our capacity to grow, to develop a productive orientation in our relationship toward the world and ourselves. This process of emergence, of birth, of waking up, requires one quality as a necessary condition faith. The practice of the art of loving requires the practice of faith. Faith in oneself is a condition of our ability to promise, and since, as

Nietzsche said, man can be defined by his capacity to promise, faith is one of the conditions of human existence. Here is one more emotional purpose that is basic, it is activity. Activity means using own inside strengths. You are not able to love if you are lazy and not vigilant. It is important to have goal like love to everything and love as a trait. Conclusion Is person able to love It probably can be possible if love is something that you can possess.

But love does not exist such a way. Love is something that is not visible. Love is an action. To love means to be interesting in, to take care of, to know, to express the feelings, to enjoy and can be direct to a person, a tree, a picture and an idea. Love add to life the feeling if fullness. It is process of self-rejuvenation and self-enrichment. E.Fromm, The Art of Loving, 1992. References New Testament,

WORLD HELP, 1992 Erich Fromm The Art of Loving, Copyright 1956 by Erich Fromm Erich Fromm The Art of Loving, 1997 httpwww.spiritsight.comwritingerifropart 1.shtml httplib.ruPSIHOFROMMlove.txt