The Feelings Of Falling In Love Essay

, Research Paper

The Feelings of Falling in Love

What is Love? Is it attraction? Is it intimacy? Is it attachment?

Love, in fact, is all of these things combined together. “Love is spiritual,

not physical. It is a union of souls and hearts and minds, not something you

can’t put under your microscope and understand!” Love is an emotion combined

with a series of feelings.These feelings can be immensely powerful and

wonderful. Romantic love is defined to be an intense emotional state that one

person experiences in relation to another. These types of feelings appear to

be among the most intense that most of us are capable of, and at least in some

cases, grow rather than diminish with time. Falling in love can be one of the

most unexplainable feelings a person can endure.

There are two sets of feelings that are the basis of modern romantic

relationships. The first is attraction. Attraction is the excitement you feel

when falling in love. To better explain this feeling, attraction is what you

feel when you have met someone new who really excites you and you begin to feel

aroused when thinking about this person. Although this sounds very sexual, this

feeling is just the first of what will most likely become a sexual passion.

When in this first state of attraction, your body feels different – more bouncy,

more energetic, and in need of less food and sleep. When in this state of

attraction, one feels very happy and different every time that they are with

this person. Frequently the presence (or sometimes merely thought) of the

loved one can evoke specific physiological reactions. These physiological

reactions include: erections for the male, wetness for the female, a lump in

the throat, sweaty palms, weak knees, cold feet, a pounding heart. dizziness,

and butterflies in the stomach. These physiological reations are completely

normal when falling in love.

The second type of feeling that one endures when falling in love is

attachment. Attachment is a bond or a special tie between people that are

attracted to one another. Attachment helps keep people together and has more to

do with feelings of security than of excitement. Romantic love requires

attraction plus attachment. Someone can be very strongly attracted to another

person but never become attached. Without some feeling of attachment,

attraction is nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone,

this process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more attached

to this person. When in this state of attachment, each person would feel as if

they are one person combined together. A special bond is shared and a sense of

comfort and togetherness is felt in most any situation. This attachment is very

normal in close relationships and healthy to a certain extent. Many times one

person becomes more dependant on the other and this can be very unhealthy

because everyone needs their own sense of identity. Without your own sense of

identity, you might feel smothered or unable to funcion without your mate.

Either way it is a lose-lose situation. For a healthy relationship, one needs to

be able to function without total dependence on their mate.

There are three main aspects of love. According to the triangular

theory of love, these three components include intimacy, passion, and

decision/commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of being connected and close to

another person. It is getting to know the person beyond the friendship level

and understanding them on a romantic level. An example of this might be going

to dinner or the movies with a prospective mate, rather than the casual

encounters that someone might have with them in everyday interaction. Intimacy

does not only pertain to specific acts, but also in verbal and non-verbal

expressions of love. Although verbal expressions of intimate feelings through

self-disclosure is important to relationship quality, the nonverbal expression

appears to be more important. In general people rely more on nonverbal thanb

verval cues to interpret messages. Some examples of these nonverbal cues

include touch, gaze, gestures, and time spent together.

The next aspect of love is passion. Passion is the feelings or physical

attraction and sexual consummation that people have for one another. This is

more than idolization of a superstar such as Tom Cruise or Demi Moore. It is an

attraction that one might have for a peer or a person with whom they are

aquainted. Passion acts as the fire that helps the relationship function.

The last aspect of love is decision/commitment. Decision/commitment

refers to the belief that one is in love and committed to a certain romantic

relationship. This bond may be as informal as a phrase that states they want to

date exclusively, or it might be as formal as a ring of gold that bonds them

forever. This commitment is exclusive between partners which both need to feel

an equal level of commitment which they need to decide together. These three

aspects involve no certain amount of time. It depends on the person or persons

and the level of the relationship. Time will only give the couple some room to

grow and expand the feelings felt for one another.

Although these feelings are somewhat similar with most people who fall

in love, there are different types of traits that most people tend to fall in

love with. Trusting, caring, humor and friendship may be the best examples of

features associated with healthy adult love relationships. To be cared for is

one of the most rewarding feelings in one’s life. In my life I know that I have

many people that care about me but to be cared about by my boyfriend is

completely different. This feeling is a sense of completeness.

Throughout an individuals life they will have the opportunity to

experience many different relationships involving these types of feelings for

love. Many of these relationships will not be true romantic love. However,

hopefully they will learn form these relationships so they do not repeat their

mistakes from the past or let others do the same to them. I am now in a

relationship where I can say that I am truly in love. I know this because of

the feelings I get when I am with this special person and I am definitely

attached to him. All of these feelings can be very complicated at times but,

when you are in the right relationship this emotional roller coaster is very

well worth it to feel these powerful feelings of love.

“A loving relationship is like an ideal “home”- within it you can

totally be yourself, be accepted, understood, trusted, and respected as a

valuable being. It is a nurturing enviornment where effort is made to provide

enough caring and security so that one can share hopes and fears and where one

is encouraged to learn and grow.”(Buscaglia, 46.)

Throughout this review of literature, the feelings of falling in love is

explained in a factual matter. The relationship process is a complex amount of

effort as well as feelings. Most every person will feel these feelings that I

have described in some point in their life. When they do begin to feel these

feelings of falling in love I wish them happiness and luck.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Beal, Anne E. and Sternberg, Robert J. Social Construction of Love, Vol

12 No. 3. London, Thousand Oaks, Ca. and New Delhi. August 1995. pg. 423.

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Buscaglia, Leo. Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human

Relationships. New Jersey 1984. P. 46.

Kalbfleish, Pamala J. Interpersonal Communication: Evolving

Interpersonal Relationships. New Jersey, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers.

1993. pg. 82.

Liebowitz, Micheal R. The Chemistry of Love. Canada: Little Brown and

Company. 1983. Pg. 89.

Morrow, Gregory D., Clark, Eddie M. and Brock, Karla F. Individual and

Partner Love Styles. Vol. 12 No. 3. London, Thousand Oaks, Ca. and New Delhi.

August 1995. Pg. 376. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Perper, Timothy. Sex Signals: The Biology of Love. ISI Press.

Philadelphia 1985. Pgs. 76 and 83.

Pope, Kennith. On Love and Loving: Psychological Perspectives on the

Nature and Experience of Romantic Love. Jossey-Bass Publishers. San Francisco,

1980. Pgs 5, 121, 163.

THE FEELINGS OF FALLING IN LOVE:

A REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE

SUBMITTED TO:

DR. KAREN SHAFER

WRITTEN BY:

MELISSA BERNSTEIN

COMMUNICATION 325

NOVEMBER 19, 1996

345